pardon me whilst i gloss

yeah, i think this ad is hilarious. its like, '...here i am about to bang some 80's rob lowe-resembler in this huge-ass 80's house, but man... i'd better slop on some gummy flavorless lip gloss before we make dreamy, teenage physical contact...' yeah honey, you'd better... otherwise he might dump you, start a rumor that you smell like egg-drop soup, and start dating a slutty cheerleader. i know you can hardly read the small print, but i think its funny that they're billing it as 'automatic' lip gloss. like, i've never had any lip gloss that i had to like, 'wait for,' you know, for it to 'kick in' and 'get glossy.' like, no matter what type you're dealing with, they all seem to come out 'shiny' right from the first application. i wish i could read the 'names' of the colors, but sadly, the resolution isn't good enough. i was able to read the bit where it says it was for '...women who like to play with fire...' yeah, that's so 'mysterious-on-purpose.'

g is for gloss

lip glossss....! who doesn't love it? there are all types of lip gloss, and every girl (and some boys) have their faves. when i was younger, a girlfriend of mine who lived across the street used to get me and my brother jean-lucien to play the 'purse game.' she had about five different little purses laid out with their own little mirrors and glosses and other such magical trinkets. i always used to wish for the 'ball and oil' variety lip gloss; sooo much more luxurious than the waxy 'pot gloss,' applied crudely with one's own finger. then there was the 'wand' variety gloss. (wow... i just realized i could write a whole solid chapter on lip gloss.) i remember one time i was in the westchester mall in high point, nc, with my mother... and i had been fortunate enough to find myself in the posession of a brand-new glassy, glossy, thick and perfumed mysterious mint-scented roll-on gloss. it felt cold and heavy... like an amulet of luck in my pocket, i played with it out of sight, rubbing my little anxious thumb over its contours. then suddenly, somewhere in between D's Village Dollhose Shop and the gaping entrance to Thalheimer's... i dropped the coy vial on the stony floor and watched it fracture and ooze... a total shameful loss... right at my feet. i can't imagine i wasn't scolded for it...but i don't remember that part of it. at the time i remember thinking... no punishment could be as slicing and final as the death of my sweet mint roll-on lip gloss. sigh. i have a message to any girl out there with her own money. go lip gloss shopping. its an absolute good.